The story of you and I is a glib clusterfuck of abrupt statements strung together by the notion that love is not simple and it could be both dirty and beautiful.
There are over a million footnotes to this insane epic, the context of which are left out by the wayside of memory.
Memory is our greatest fiction, but moments are singular and true.
I cherish my favorite moments, my favorite footnotes, like mantras, or cave paintings.
Moments mean something to me.
1. I didn’t think it barred mentioning that diagnosing someone with a castration complex is a hell of a first impression.
3. I don’t understand people who dislike Hemingway.
8. You never asked.
10. Mocha Madness, my favorite coffee shop.
27. This was the moment you convinced me being humorless was kind of fun.
54. I was starting to like our bickering.
68. Four glasses of blush and one Xanax deep, mind you.
109. I still feel awful about that night. It felt so unfair, suddenly, to feel so much for you once I realized I didn’t know you.
198. I didn’t know what to do.
268. Water is not an ideal lubricant.
400. This is the moment I realize I’m fucked. I was too young to know how to say it but, I still knew that being in love has its own sort of hopelessness .
598. You really were more mature than me, I felt stupid.
624. One driver stared at us on the street corner and sighed. You sighed too.
886. You had become famous for pissing off my friends.
1,233. This was the moment that I felt the youngest.
1,252. You were so sad, you didn’t say goodbye. I was so sad.
3,904. I missed drinking gin on the porch with you.
4,009. You looked happy for the first time in a long time. It had been a long time since you looked at me at all.
6,608. I would always treasure this sentiment.
9,059. I thought it was ironic you were moving to texas.
9,634. You sounded like you had a cold through the muffled sobs.
11,004. I wasn’t sure if we were friends
12,991. I realize now I am prone to the overuse of emoticons.
42,900. This time I knew I was unfair. Putting two bullets in a mocking bird.
66,389. Felt like college again.
70,889. I didn’t mind the drive.
70,890. I can always count on you for pillow talk.
89,211. The world is in short supply of pencil dresses.
92,083. The way you treated me made me feel like a manikin.
121,099. We don’t bicker anymore. As far as I’m concerned, you win.
222,667. You weren’t as punk as you used to be.
447,933. I was happy you were happy
676,378. He was clearly ivy league, you kept him on a tight leash.
877,001. We favored domestic beers
1,000,001. I wasn’t shocked or concerned when you said you loved me. I think we had both made peace with it, predicated on the deep understanding that the only thing fair about love was that it was always unfair, and the only other way love was ever consistent was in that it is never the same love twice. You almost didn’t even need to say it. We loved each other maybe a million different times, we had said it in maybe a million different ways already.